I should be further along my career (for my type, my age, my talent…)
I should build up my tv credits (because my agent told me to)
I should go for a commercial agent (because it’s easier than getting a legit one)
I should cut my hair (because it’s a more marketable look)
And on and on and on.
Should is a dangerous word. When you set goals and make decisions from a place of “should” you disconnect from what’s in your heart.
Have you ever taken on a goal because someone else said you “should”? If you have, you know what happens next.
You might go for that goal diligently at first, but eventually you run out of steam. When your heart’s not in it, you can’t stay motivated.
We human beings have a habit of looking outside ourselves for reassurance. But the truth is, no one knows what’s best for you. That is your department.
And when it comes to the entertainment industry, there is no “right way” to create success. No one can predict what is going to happen.
I remember reading an article about Christina Hendricks (Joan on Mad Men). Her agents at the time decided to drop her when she signed on to star in the show. Why? Because they told her “It’s a period piece. It’s not going to make any money.”
She decided to go with her intuition, and love for the script. And they decided to drop her.
Hmmmm. Who do you think made the better choice?
Which just goes to show…agents know exactly nothing about the future. Just like you and I.
Getting perspective and suggestions from people you trust can be helpful in the decision-making and goal-setting process. But at the end of the day it’s your life. You have to live with your choices and you need to do the work. No one knows what is truly in your heart but you.
Listen to that voice. It will never steer you in the wrong direction.
People give advice (solicited or not) based on their own world view. That includes their personal experience, failures, limited beliefs, heartbreak, and fear. One of my mentors told me, “People can’t support you beyond their own fear.” That includes people who may seemingly “know better” than you do.
The truth is, no one knows anything with complete certainty.
When you follow what’s in your heart, there’s space for magic, serendipity and unforeseen gifts.
When you think about your current acting goals, which of these phrases resonates?
I’m excited to…My ideal is…I get to…I can’t wait to…I’m proud to share…I’m inspired to…
I have to…I should….I know I’m supposed to…They said I must…
Think about what you want to focus on next. Give yourself permission to cross off the stuff that feels like a should, and go for the stuff that feels like a gift. Above all other voices, listen to the one inside your heart.
Is there something on your "should" list you can let go of? Come on over to the Facebook Group, Actresses Who Make Sh*t Happen and let me know!